So instead, this month I’m just going to talk about health. No gimmicks, no lymricks, just good health.

I tried going on the paleo diet about a month ago. I have crazy bouts of sugar addiction, so much so that I was worried I’d be a diabetic before I hit 30. And really the only way to stop any addiction is to go cold turkey, right? I’ve never been much for alcohol. Haven’t really done the hard drugs, marijuana occasionally, though I wouldn’t rank marijuana high on the fun activities list. Sex is great, but I can’t get it enough to be addicted. That leaves me with sugar. And I was addicted in every sense of the word.

I read a health blog on addiction, and sure enough I was pounding back sugar like some people booze up at lunch time. I’d go to the cheesecake factory and have two slices of cheesecake in a row. Have you ever tried that stuff? It’s hard to polish off a first people, even for the most experienced epicurean. And I was slamming down two like nobody’s business.

It was no big deal at all for me to grab 2 candy bars on the way home from work. Because I guess one just wasn’t enough. It got to be so much of a habit, that I didn’t even think about it. Just stopped at the same gas station every day and grabbed a snickers and some sort of chocolate granola bar or something.

Often, I would go to a Starbucks on a Sunday morning, order a Venti Frappuccino and a chocolate crescent, read a book while eating and slurping away, then walk up to the counter and get another Venti Frappuccino and go right back to reading and slurping. Maybe Starbucks needs to have a cutoff point just like my local bar. “I’m sorry,” says the apathetic barista, “but I’m not going to serve you another sugar loaded caffeine fest, you need me to call you a cab home?”

And then I stopped. All at once. Haven’t touched sugar in over a month now. Sure, I’ve slipped up a few times with carbs (3 to be exact), mainly with taquitos. But no Starbucks, no candy bars, no late night cheesecake runs. And the funny thing is, I don’t really even miss it. I miss the coffee shop atmosphere where I used to read on Sundays, but I haven’t looked back for the Frappuccinos yet, and I don’t plan to. It must a paleo diet miracle.

Mark was a guy out in Malibu
Who know quite a lot of orac value
He sold vitamins
to Babs bio-twins
Until the government said they shall sue.

The government was just a pawn.
Of big pharma’s devious spawn.
The vitamin world
was the devil who hurled
the lawsuit on Mark Sisson’s lawn.

There once was a brown spotted cow
Who tried tried find people now
He moo’d all around
Till he fell to the ground
And was shredded to bits by a plow

Did the great Napolean ever dedicate a lymrick to his childhood sweetheart? No.

Did Keats compose lymricks in his basement in the summer heat, with his thickened scry cracking the sheets he had blotted with countless drafts? What?

Did Einstein create a theory of lymrick that wowed the cosmological community? I think no.

Did Arthur Miller speak in lymricks to woe Maralyn Monroe, did he force lymricks into the common prose of his anti-heroes? Not a chance.

Did Geisel write lymricks? Yes, yes he did.

But, who is this Geisel, this Theodore Geisel?

He is Dr. Seuss, and a Dr. Seuss lymrick is worth a thousand Miller plays, Keatian odes, Einstein theoroms, or DaVinci portraits.

This is my humble opinion.

And here are some non lyricked links. Omega 3 capsules just doesn’t fit into lymrick form and the weight loss shake is a dietary supplement wholly unfit for poetry.

There once was a man from Von Litamins
Who enjoyed all the benefits of vitamins
He could lift up a car
He could jump very far.
He could run damn near the speed of Light-a-mins!

There once was a woman from Umbre.
Who jolted right out of her slumber.
Her face turned bright red
As she jumped from her bed.
She’d remembered where she put her cucumber.